she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
