I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
