i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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