He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
