I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
where are my eyebrows?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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