And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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