dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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