i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
