don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
