Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
