I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
