For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
