she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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