I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize