It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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