He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
