i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
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I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
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Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.