I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.