Texts From Last Night

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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening

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  (732): and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening http://tfl.nu/8ijj
  Replies (17) Good night (1554) Bad night (4861)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".

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  (803): I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today". http://tfl.nu/w2r4
  Replies (111) Good night (1225) Bad night (13541)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.

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  (609): I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish. http://tfl.nu/0wzx
  Replies (46) Good night (6338) Bad night (945)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.

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  (641): I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated. http://tfl.nu/i5uc
  Replies (6) Good night (928) Bad night (3337)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.

  (1-541): View more from Oregon

  Miracles do happen.

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  (541): I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now. (1-541): Miracles do happen. http://tfl.nu/zv9s
  Replies (13) Good night (4255) Bad night (843)
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  (951): View more from California

  I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal

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  (951): I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal http://tfl.nu/pmv6
  Replies (23) Good night (10439) Bad night (1118)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.

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  (309): I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar. http://tfl.nu/nec2
  Replies (8) Good night (3655) Bad night (831)
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  (323): View more from California

  Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets

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  (323): Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets http://tfl.nu/6rmt
  Replies (9) Good night (1508) Bad night (1195)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now

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  (941): I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now http://tfl.nu/pfr6
  Replies (5) Good night (1351) Bad night (755)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.

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  (724): You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking. http://tfl.nu/bbzn
  Replies (2) Good night (1029) Bad night (466)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.

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  (972): I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors. http://tfl.nu/zrt1
  Replies (5) Good night (673) Bad night (728)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.

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  (912): I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me. http://tfl.nu/0i4v
  Replies (17) Good night (551) Bad night (1053)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.

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  (845): Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored. http://tfl.nu/hxpc
  Replies (2) Good night (1412) Bad night (521)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.

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  (412): My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help. http://tfl.nu/9s63
  Replies (2) Good night (624) Bad night (740)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.

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  (281): You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting. http://tfl.nu/do5z
  Replies (0) Good night (389) Bad night (157)

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