If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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