just tell him i said nine months
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.