Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  Just fell off a train. Bad.

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  (512): Just fell off a train. Bad. http://tfl.nu/32cv
  Replies (3) Good night (773) Bad night (1152)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?

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  (513): The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU? http://tfl.nu/gpmz
  Replies (8) Good night (525) Bad night (3286)
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  (619): View more from California

  I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.

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  (619): I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe. http://tfl.nu/jto0
  Replies (24) Good night (4287) Bad night (608)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"

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  (817): I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!" http://tfl.nu/bikn
  Replies (2) Good night (3415) Bad night (782)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.

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  (608): May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in. http://tfl.nu/2att
  Replies (6) Good night (3658) Bad night (955)
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  (289): View more from Ontario

  You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.

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  (289): You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person. http://tfl.nu/dofi
  Replies (14) Good night (3240) Bad night (701)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses

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  (303): I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses http://tfl.nu/zlmy
  Replies (8) Good night (1584) Bad night (771)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.

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  (575): Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end. http://tfl.nu/gjro
  Replies (10) Good night (1482) Bad night (768)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.

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  (610): its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate. http://tfl.nu/xmo4
  Replies (5) Good night (1622) Bad night (559)
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  (585): View more from New York

  If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed

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  (585): If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed http://tfl.nu/2pf8
  Replies (6) Good night (1708) Bad night (440)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?

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  (203): Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish? http://tfl.nu/j5ph
  Replies (2) Good night (594) Bad night (328)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.

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  (541): If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick. http://tfl.nu/cd0z
  Replies (2) Good night (594) Bad night (288)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.

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  (716): I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine. http://tfl.nu/pta5
  Replies (1) Good night (227) Bad night (467)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times

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  (941): He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times http://tfl.nu/ygnh
  Replies (3) Good night (298) Bad night (560)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.

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  (860): And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping. http://tfl.nu/jid6
  Replies (2) Good night (414) Bad night (415)

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