every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
