i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
