I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I love you.
Bad choice
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
