how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
