I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
