Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
