WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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