I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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