its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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