Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
