You can't motorboat a personality
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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