For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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