that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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