if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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