so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
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Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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