evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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