I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
