the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
