Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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