I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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