ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
