so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just googled if crying burns calories
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
