you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
