Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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