I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
