I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
