I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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