My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
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I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
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The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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