That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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