So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
