there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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