i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
