No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
