I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
