Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
