so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
