So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
