do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You're like the curious george of whores
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
