There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just tell him i said nine months
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Say something about gay babies.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
