one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We left an ass print on the piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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