What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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