Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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