I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
