Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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