i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
