He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Someone shattered a urinal.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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