your room smells of hookers.
And success
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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