Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
