I heard we made out
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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