You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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