Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
