dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
