We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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