just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
