ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.