I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy