dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i drank out of a bidet.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher