Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves