No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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