i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
