Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
