she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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