if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Girls should come with a carfax report
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Drake has all the answers
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