How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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